Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
