I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
