Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
