I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
