all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
