Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have feelings that need drinking.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
