haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I can tuck mytits in my pants
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
