Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
