I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
