took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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