Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
