So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
