There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
