I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
