You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize