I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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