I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
