Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I need moral support for this bender
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
