Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize