using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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