I wanna passion pit in your ass
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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