the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
