Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
