He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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