i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
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