All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
