I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
