I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize