i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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