I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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