GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Someone shattered a urinal.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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