I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
