It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
