Don't make out with my wife yet
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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