i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
