Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
