I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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