found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
