i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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