I just saw a hot homeless man
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
