I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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