Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It was confusing and full of hummus
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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