I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
