She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
