Duck Duck Cougar?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
