fuck your aforementioned shoe
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
