if i can run in heels then i can drive
This girl is more easily done than said...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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