sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
