Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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