you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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