Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
