I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
