I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
