I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
