you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize