your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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