I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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