Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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