i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
