We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize