We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
