ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
