she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
