Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
