How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
there is glitter all over my balls
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