I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
